Parent 1: As far as letting baby learn to soothe himself, I am prepared to do this in moderation if his doctor determines today that he is in good health. I am not sure I could let him cry in the evenings right now because 1) emotionally, I think I need my husband to be here with him and let me leave the apartment while he cries or I won’t be strong enough and 2) I often have to get back online and work for an hour or two as soon as possible after baby goes to sleep, so I need to use the path of least resistance most of the time. I can start with the daytime naps. I also worry that it will be a battle with baby because he has quite a bit of determination for an infant. (Just ask my nanny!) I also worry about how one determines that a baby is ready to self-soothe. Are all babies equipped to learn this at 4.5 months? If he is not, am I harming him or breaking his trust?
Dr. Marc Weissbluth: Continue to breast feed baby at night but no more than twice at night. If you think he is hungry, nurse him anytime after 9:30 pm and again anytime early in the morning. Absolutely do not sleep with him in your bedroom and do not spend time otherwise soothing him at night. Before 9:30, after the first night feeding, and after the second night feeding it is dad’s responsibility to do ‘check and console’ whenever baby needs attention. Ignore very quiet sounds at night and dad is to respond promptly to loud fussy sounds or crying. Dad will soothe him until he is calm, drowsy but wake and leave the room. Dad will do this as often as necessary up to about 6am when you start the day. Do not start the day before about 6am. This plan is not for forever.
Parent 2: He goes to bed every night between 6:30 and 8pm, usually just before 7, and rarely after 7:30pm depending on the day. Most often, the first part of the night is when we get the longest stretch of sleep—only once a week or so will he wake before 11pm, and usually he wont wake until 12am-ish for a feeding. Then, i’d say half the week he goes back down until sometime between 3-5am, and then doesnt wake again until 6:30am ish when he usually plays quietly for at least 30mn. The other half of the week he wakes frequently after the midnight-ish feeding, and unless I am really exhausted or desperate, I do not feed him more than one more time—we just let him cry. He usually only cried for a few minutes, but then wakes frequently to do that.
Dr. Marc Weissbluth: Is he calm, attentive, alert, pleasant (well rested) or rough around the edges, easily frustrated, demanding, or clingy (not well rested)? Is he in your bedroom or in his own room? How dark and quiet is the room during the day and at night?
Parent 3: We followed your instructions last night and Sam did not get out of bed or call out before he went to sleep. Actually, he was smiling as he thought about getting chocolate and TV in the morning. At 6am, however, he came into our room and needed a diaper change. He may have also heard his sister as she was up early. We also noticed that his bed was wet so we put him in the bed next to his and told him that he had to go back to sleep until it was light out for the reward. At 6:30 he came downstairs to the playroom where I was with his sister. It wasn’t quite light but it was an improvement. I gave him the reward. Do you think I should have withheld as it was not 7am? He really never slept or stayed in bed until 7am before. I tried to use the alarm clock but he plays with it so much that it gets messed up and ends up not working. I thought to use the “when it is light” outside rule. Any thoughts?
Dr. Marc Weissbluth: Thank you for the information. It appears that if you compare the past few weeks with past few years there has been much improvement for him. Unfortunately, I do not think the present improvement will persist or get better unless you make further changes. The reason I say this is because you are sending him mixed messages. You recite the Sleep Rules but he still gets a reward even though he violates them. This will cause him eventually to ignore the rules completely as he habituates to the reward. That is, the reward will eventually lose the power to motivate him to change his behavior because he gets it anyway. How do you feel about this interpretation?
My strong recommendation is to explain to him that tonight he is rewarded in the morning only for complete cooperation with the Sleep Rules.
Dr. Marc Weissbluth is well known to new parents for his expert guidance on helping babies sleep soundly. His book, 
